Shane Has Stupid Animals.
Gather round, and I shall regale you with a tale of a kid who has not a single pet without some sort of flaw.
Meg- I call this dog Beefy. I think it's a Golden Retriever...That's if it weighed a normal amount. This dog is HUGE, and I mean it. It weighs around 160 pounds, more then yours truly. This huge manatee like creature has to back up to get out of a smaller space, and runs the other dogs over in the process, poor little bastards. To make matters worse, the dumb fuck eats rocks by the handful and can pick out the single one we throw at her in a driveway full of them. The best part of summer is sitting outside, drinking a beer and feeding rocks to Meg.
Kaylah- (Deceased) Thank God it died. Really. This dog was so stupid, it set the kitchen ON FIRE. Yeah, I would have killed it when it set the place I cooked food on fire and costs me thousands of dollars in damage. But Nooooo, Shane had to let it live. The nickname of this dog was Deffy, partly because it was deaf, and I could kick it in the ass and it had no idea where it was coming from. Deffy was a Irish Setter, and it definitely lived up to the name because it ran around like it was drunk all the time. I remember one time around Christmas when I fed it a Christmas bulb and it broke it and ate it, getting large chunks in it's tongue. I was yelled at for it, but I was only trying to kill it to end it's suffering, and If Deffy could talk I know in my heart she was thanking me for trying to end her life. Shane's mom did that for me though, when Deffy also become Blind and FINALLY put her down. Funny party was, they didn't tell Shane and he had no idea till about a week later, obviously he didn't like her enough to care.
Dolly (deceased)- I actually liked Dolly, the Black Lab, but when it was getting on in years (like 12), every time I would sleep over, I'd hear a devil like moan coming from the basement, which actually turned out to be Dolly clearing her throat. God damn, It sounded like Satan had returned to Earth and was living in Shane's Basement. I was scared for some time to sleep over there just because of Dolly. I remember the day Dolly was mortally wounded, Her and Deffy were racing to go outside, and Deffy slammed into her, breaking her back. 3 days later, she was put down. Stupid fucking Deffy had to ruin everything I loved about Dolly, hope she burns in hell.
Annie- Talk about a fucking rat. This little Poodle thingy has to be a million years old, mainly because it has like four teeth left and loves to snare them at me when I get too close to her 1.5 pound body. Ever find a hair clog in the sink? That's what Annie looks/ feels like when she unexpectedly jumps on you and sleeps on either your neck or feet. I wish this dog would die and send Dolly back, that would be really cool. Annie is also blind, and isn't afraid to bite. I'm not afraid to kick her clear across the room either.
P.S. She's also a lap whore and I hate that.
Phyllis- That is the worst dog name on the planet, but what do you expect from the Lahaie house? Anyways, I liked calling this Laupsa Apsu or however you spell it Puppy, Dubra, or Pisser because it couldn't keep from peeing itself when you petted it for a while. I never really liked the dog, but never hated it as much as some of the others. Puppy was a replacement dog, mainly because they lost Dolly and Kaylah in a short period of time. This dog seemed to hate me, and of course I would torture it by throwing covers on it and smacking the dumbass around. It's bitten me a few times, so I can honestly say its not my favorite dog, but it has a lot of problems. Before Shane got it, the dog was run over or something and it's pelvis was crushed. So, it doesn't pee real well, nor can jump up onto the couch, or poop well for that matter. It always has cliffhangers after it goes outside (shit still stuck to her) and I don't let that little bastard near me till it sits on Shane's lap, which makes me like it just a little more.
Purdy- (deceased) Don't know much about this dog, but it died, and it was probably half retarded like the others.
that's enough for the dogs, lets move on to the cats.
Pumpkin (Deceased)- This was my favorite animal of this house. I was a little orange kitty, and it was badass because it knew that Shane's house was a death trap, and wasn't seen all too much. It used to drink the water in the fishbowl until there was about an inch left, and would try to scoop the fish out. This cat was a genius in my eyes. Sadly (this is funny kinda to me) Pumpkin died. Shane's mom had left some of those gooey candle things out, and it just so happens on Christmas morning, it found out how delicious those candles were...mmmm. So Shane got a dead kitty for Christmas, and there was lots of crying that day. And who is to blame? Connie damnit, and she should pay for killing my favorite animal at that house. R.I.P. Pumpkin :-*
Shitty Cat, Don't Touch Me Cat, Lucky- They all suck, so I am going to group them. Shitty cat does just that, shit on pillows, so its outside every single day. It has a retarded moan, so it deserves to stay out there. Don't touch Me Cat, don't touch it. Its kinda normal, but will tear your eyes out within seconds. Lucky is a cool little kitty, but got the shit kicked out of him before Shane rescued Pumpkin and him. He only has one eye and half a tale, but he is all cat. If there was a cat battle at Shane's, this crazy little thing would probably win.
Ok, that was a lot of typing, so there you have it....fucked up animals at Shane's house...He should really invest in a smart animal, it would save a lot of time and money because he wouldn't have to put them down all the time.
