Oh Shit I Just Found This.

Everybody has dreams. Everybody had aspirations. But sometimes we hold ourselves back because we are afraid to take that leap of faith. We might be afraid of failing and embarrassing ourselves or maybe we just don't know where to begin. Well, for those of you who have interest in the areas below, you'll be saying goodbye to your tentative nature after reading my easy-to-follow How to...Tutorials.How to...find your soul mate online.There are billions of people in this world, which can seem a bit overwhelming at times. Especially when you consider the fact that there is only one person out there that is fully compatible with you and meant to be your "partner". That's right, you will be doomed to marry and divorce for eternity unless you find that special someone. The odds are against everyone, which is why many turn to masturbation and asexual reproduction. But what about the portion of the population that is made up of albino hermits with heliophobia and anthropophobia ( the fears of sunlight and people)? If the normal person is destined to have such problems with love, how will this rare group of people stand a chance? Fortunately for them, a savior has arrived at E-Harmony.com I haven't actually been to the site, but this is how I understand how it works. First, you fill out a questionnaire that has numerous topics. After that, the site will give you a list of people that answered at least 29 of the questions the same way you did. This might be the single greatest idea in the history of the world! If someone answers 29 questions the same way you did, they are obviously your soul mate. I suggest meeting the person as quickly as possible, because getting to know them will just delay your love and is a waste of time. Also, if the person lives on the other end of the country, be sure to meet them halfway so that the rendezvous will occur even sooner. But make sure to pick a meeting spot that is easy to find, such as a corn field or a deserted factory. But if you aren't able to drive out and meet the person, at least give them a photo of yourself and your address just in case they happen to be in the area some time.So finally there is a cure to the cancer that is love. Thank you E-Harmony.com, you're the best.

God damnit I am awesome.

#2

I lived this sheltered life for some time with nothing interrupting my routine. Just me, Chris, and Mother. Of course, with any sort of routine comes change. In my home schooling class one day, I must have been eleven or twelve, and I asked if I had a father. It more or less came out as, "Where is my daddy?"
Everyone in those books I had been reading had a father, so where was mine? She just looked at me, stunned. Her pale blue eyes turned almost to a gray which I had never seen before. She rose out of her chair and glided softly to the window. She sighed and began to twirl the ends of her chestnut brown hair around her delicate fingers.
"Boys," She began. "I think its time I told you about your father, and about your fate."
This was the only time I actually wanted to listen to my mother in a good long while.
"A long time ago, it was said that one of your ancestors was waiting for a train, since these were the first days of the railroad, and accidently tripped an old gypsy woman. They exchanged words, and it was believed that the woman put a curse on him, saying that no male in his family will ever make it past the age of thirty, ever. After she said that, I kind of just sat there, realizing that there was only eighteen more years of my existence before I came to an end. A question immediately shot up in the back of my mind.
"How did they die?" I’d take that question back now if I only knew what she was going to say next.
"Most of them were freak accidents," she said softly, looking down so she wouldn’t have to see the fear in our eyes. "A few met their end in car accidents just days before their 30th birthday, others were electrocuted, accidently shot, and only one made it to the end day."
"End day?" I asked.