# 1

I thought I had everything figured out. At a young age, I had accepted that everything in this world could be evaluated, analyzed and thought out to the degree where no possible error could be that so-called monkey wrench and collapse everything which I had strived for. Even calculating every possible mistake and the cost to fix or cut losses were not an issue. It’s those unexpected curve balls that throw everyone off balance. A death in the family, split second car accidents and terminal illnesses blind side us every minute of life. And of course, it all comes down to one thing. Single sheets of cotton-fiber rectangles separate wether or not one gets back to where they were going on the road with a questionable ending. I would have had it all. Every single minute fantasy would have been fulfilled, but I had my own monkey wrench and the fall was too great to just stand back up again.
With every action, something bad could happen, well...at least according to my mother.
"Don’t brush your teeth too hard, you could rupture a gum and have to get stitches. Watch out while playing with that toy car, you could slice off a finger with the wheel." She would only accept one reply, a monotone, "Yes mother." anything else would have left my cheek red and sticky hot with pain.
Growing up, I experienced as much free life as a Goldfish. Home school, S.S.R. Violin lesson, bed at 8 o’clock on the dot. That was my life. S.S.R. was my mom’s favorite time. (S.S.R. is sustained silent reading) It was the time where she would watch her soaps while my brother and I read because it would make us better people down the road, and a paper cut was the worst injury I could acquire. When I asked her if I could play outside with the other kids, an excuse and thirty minutes in the corner would be my answer.