Someone Is Trying To Kill Me.

Let's see, what kind of retarded nonsense can I come up with tonight? How about a person trying to kill me? That sounds good.

Almost everyday, my father goes down to the local meat market in Moosup called Meme's. He buys sandwich meat there, and has become a regular over the months. So one day last week, he brings home egg salad and asks me to have some, so I did. I thought nothing of it until I woke up at 3 a.m and make sweet, sweet love to the toilet bowl for at least an hour. That was about as fun as peeing out a razorblade. So after dropping a few pounds and losing an entire day of playing video games and watching porn, I swore to never eat anything from that place again. Well, 2 nights ago, my father made everyone strawberry shortcake. Thinking nothing about the promise I made, I dug in and ate 2 of them. Something was off though, it tasted too sour, and I already knew something had to be wrong. I asked my father where he got the strawberries, and of course he said what I didn't want to hear...Meme's. Upon examining the discarded bag, I noticed a huge fucking RIP on the bottom that was there ALL ALONG before he bought it. If that wasn't so bad, I read the expiration date.....October. Oh, not this year, but rather 2004. I was already starting to feel sick. Luckily, I didn't puke, but just had some fucked up dreams. Well, the next day, I drove down there and gave the owner back the bag, told her about the god-awful egg salad, and got a 20 dollar coupon, but I would have rather have backhanded that idiot into a meat grinder. Whatever, I just asked if she was trying to kill me, but I never got a reply...she had to take a phone call. So I still don't know. If I die this month, you'll know why.