My Best Friend Was Jesus.

I have a story to tell you about a man, a man who came out from nothing to be self-proclaimed reincarnation of our lord and savior, Jesus, A.K.A. J.C. Foster. This is all true, there is no need for any embellishing because there is no way a person can make this kind of shit up. First, you must understand that these people are indeed out of their fucking minds. J.C. First came to be my friend when I was 8 and lived a mile away from the house where he was living in Moosup, CT. He had 2 wives at this point, and they spent the days spray painting psalms such as, "The End Is Near," on the sides of the house (post year 2000). J.C. Really didn't own the house, but took advantage of a senile old man who actually believed that he was Jesus. I would go visit J.C. every Halloween, and he would give me a piece of bread and tell me that it was, "Part of his body," so I just threw it back in his lawn. Some of his neighbors said that one of his wives, or, "Sisters," had a baby, but they buried it in the backyard. That is such a lie, I know for a fact that J.C. eats babies, he doesn't let anything go to waste. A few years later, J.C. was kicked out of the home after the old man whom I called dumbass, finally died. J.C. And his sister hoes had to live in an old folks' home for a couple years after that. I had forgotten about my dear friend until I saw his toothless grin on the news at 10 because he got kicked out and put in jail. I never laughed harder when one of the officers stepped on his robe (They all wore white robes with white veils and shoes) and he called the cop, "A stupid ass cracker". I don't think the reincarnation of Jesus would be saying such harsh words, then again, he was crucified, and that hurts like a bitch, so I guess he is inclined to saying some mean shit from time to time. He was then put in jail for a while on some bogus charge of illegally living in the apartments for old people, and during that time, one of his sisters died of cancer. I was sad, but then confused. Couldn't the REAL Jesus bring people back to life? Recently, I spent a day with the former crackhead African-American man and his only surviving lover, "Sister Rachel," an ex-stripper who still looks like she has the goods. I needed to know an answer to something that bothered me for years, so I decided to ask the man who came from heaven, or the Ghetto of New York. I asked him why he had to buy wine at the package store instead of turning it from water, and he just looked at me like I was retarded and said, "I have no time for this business little man, I need to do me some curing". He actually said that. I was stunned as he walked out of the park where he currently lives to go buy communion wine from the package store. Well, he really doesn't live IN the park, but in a tank that was from WWII that just happens to be in the park. So my friendship died that day, but every time I'm passing the park, I make sure to beep my horn and wave, because after all, he's still my savior.