My Brother Makes The Best People-Kabobs

I think that the title says it all..might as well tell you the entire story, since I'm bored out of my mind while watching South Park.

It was about 1:30 in the afternoon on Wednesday, and my brother Jeff had just gotten back from a half day at high school. He came in with his two friends, whom I only call retard and Mormon. The night before, my Dad bought me beer and bought Jeff a bottle of Bacardi Razz. So naturally he drank the entire pint right after he got back from school to start his vacation off right. I didn't know he had also smoked some pot, so his stupidity was in full effect. He decided to start a fire, which I knew wouldn't be a good idea to start with. I told him it was too windy to start one, but I didn't know the little bastard had gasoline. He and his retarded friends, stoned and drunk now, tossed gas on the fire. I was watching, just to make sure he didn't get too stupid with it. Jeff was pouring the gasoline into the fire via a small gas can with a plastic funnel attached to the top for gassing up lawnmowers and stuff like that. He would throw some on the fire, and quickly pull it back so the entire can wouldn't explode in his hand. Well, while under any influence, he got slow. The top of the gas can caught on fire, and instead of shaking it a little back and forth to put it out, he swung the motherfucker around, catching both retard and Mormon on fire. Retard was really ON FIRE AND RUNNING AROUND. Luckily, by punching himself repeatedly in the stomach, he was able to put himself out in 10 seconds or so with only the loss of his stomach hair. Mormon didn't even realize his back was on fire, so like any good person, I punched him until the fire was extinguished (well, maybe a few more swings after it was out.) I called Jeff a moron and took the gas away. Moral of the story: Throwing gas around calls for a very funny time and an excuse to punch people.