Going once...Going twice...

I'm sorry to inform you that I must write more about the Canterbury Tales, but after going through the entire novel in excruiating detail in my English class, I need some way to vent my fustration. Here is an excerpt from the back of the horrid novel used to sway potential readers/victims.

"It's lively, absorbing, and often outrageously funny, Chaucer's The Canterbury Tales is a work of genius, and undisputed classic that has held a special appeal for each generation of readers"

Hold everything---"Undisputed?" Sure, the load of crap that publishers feed by the shovel full on the back of books is supposed to inflate the novel's appeal, but printing lies is considered libel and is against the law. I dispute the "fact" that the Canterbury Tales is a classic, therefore, the gratuitous brown-nosing on the back cover is a blatant example of false advertisement. Frankly, I am appalled that a British novel penned in the late 1300's would show such disrespect for the United States Constitution. So I plan to take swift legal action against the author of this horrendous tale, Geoffrey Chaucer, and sue him for every penny he has.
Sure, suing someone who has been dead for over 600 years may seem like a lost cause, but one could certainly benefit from a court's decision in their favor. So what could I get if I won the trial of the century ,Fowzilla v.s Chaucer? I have concluded that since most people give away their belongings in their will, the deceased have four main possessions: their gravestone, coffin, the plot of land they were buried in and their actual corpse. These items may seem useless to some, but to an entrepreneur like myself, they are priceless. The first object I will use, the headstone, I will not sell but instead cut into six by six inch blocks to use for a border in my newly planted daffodil/tulip garden. I am going for the depressed look with my vegetation this year. Next, I will utilize the coffin by simply selling it to one of the many gothic students who attend my school. I am certain that those kids are sleeping in coffins, and if they're not, they would be of their parents could afford one. The plan for Chaucer's corpse is also simple: sell it on E-Bay. I'm 100% sure that there is at least one necrophyiliac out there that has a fetish for 14th century authors and couplet poetry. Lastly, with the plot of land at the cemetery, I will set up a compact flower/U.S. flag shop. What do you always see next to tombstones? The patriotic Red, White, and Blue or a large bouquet of flowers. People visiting dead loved ones don't want to look uncool or poor, so if they come to the cemetery empty handed it's ok because I will be selling graveyard necessities at a Reasonable price.
That concludes my plan for Chaucer. So all you dead, sub-par authors out there look out, because Fowzilla is out for blood. Don't allow outrageous claims to be made on the back of your book, or I'll sue the wedding band right off your dead finger.