Cancer: Friend Or Foe?

I don't know about you, but I love cancer. Yup maybe if I'm lucky enough and my grades are good, I can get cancer some day. What kind of cancer would I want you ask? Well, I think I want a big ol' tumor growing right out the side of my head. Yeah, good position and an interesting conversation starter. People are sometimes like "Hey, check out my new (place anything here). Isn't it cool? " Well, I wouldn't have to say shit, it'd would just be like BAM, CANCER! Now there are some people out there who don't like cancer. Everyone knows at least one person who has beaten cancer. Hey, asshole, you're the one who got it, and you beat it? What are you trying to say? When I get something new, I love it and show it off to all my friends, I don't beat it. I wouldn't try and hide it either so know one would know about it. My saying is if you got it, show it. That's just impolite and cruel if you don't. Cancer is a funny little guy though, it has the same characteristics as some people. Benign....Lazy. Malignant...Faster, stronger, and it gets the job done. What the job? Death, duh. It also comes in a variety of sizes, just like people do. I think that's awesome. So kids, live fast, die young, and leave a huge,fat corpse. That's the way to be. So you better get addicted to smoking, dipping, chewing, and snuffing right now if you want that to happen in your lifetime. And don't forget to drain your bank accounts and steal from your parents, that teaches you life skills. Go get 'em, slugger.